Monday, April 4, 2011
one more year
Readers, it is my birthday today.
Oh fifth of April, every year you come around and trouble me so. Sometimes you're a blast, sometimes a disaster but I'm always anxious as you approach. But not this year! This year I will NOT be a freak about my birthday; I will not be unaccountably mopey or focus on the one person who forgot instead of the many people who remembered. Nope. I will spend the day in mature self-reflection and have a reasonable number of adult beverages to mark the occasion.
Some people love their birthdays unequivocally and I envy them; I wish I could just get into celebrating myself without all the concurrent melancholy. I don't know why I react to birthdays the way I do; it's not really even about getting older since I've had these mysterious birthday blues ever since I can remember. Maybe it's just the weight of counting the years of one's life, the feeling of taking a sideways look at time and wondering how it's all going by so fast. And you can't help but assess the state of your personal life on your birthday: who you spend it with--both who is there and who is missing is painfully obvious on this day.
This year I'm looking at it a little differently. This is the last year of my twenties and I am going to make sure it's a good one. There's nothing like a deadline to make you seize the day and that's what I'm counting on.
How do you feel about birthdays?